मेरी कोई तस्वीर नही तेरे घर में

मेरी कोई तस्वीर नही तेरे घर में,
इक शमा ही जला दिया होता.

जुड़ा रहता तुझसे साये की तरह,
ग़र बुझा दिया, तो अंधेरे सा परवाना.

My room

I have never had a room for myself in my house. As far as I can remember, I have always slept in the living room on the spare diwan. I am not complaining, though. I always have the liberty to watch TV late at night. Albeit my luxury would be complemented with the same TV blaring pravachans early next morning. Being a partitioned house, it was more like a few compartments of a train with a pantry car in between. Linear. You couldn't get to the bedroom without going through the living, dining room and crossing the bathroom and kitchen on the side. So everytime someone passed by the highway, I got to hear either " abhi tak soya nahi" , or " abhi tak so raha hai".  At times it was irritating, but deep inside, I knew people cared about me.

Fast forward 10 years. I have a room of my own now. A penthouse unit with a terrace. Textured walls, attached bath and a walk in wardrobe. My dad ensured that the vent for AC ducts were made at the right place. It gets too hot in summers, you know. My mom made additional efforts to supervise the painters and plumbers. Moms are perfectionists, aren't they ? She also planted a few seasonal flowers in those earthen pots, colored in saffron. Even though I hadn't moved in yet, she ensured the maid swept and mopped the marbled floor every alternate day. In the evenings, she switches on the lights as is the tradition in our culture. Goddess Lakshmi doesn't enter a dark house.

Then one fine morning, the earthquake struck.

Q: Am I Back ?

A: - I dont know.

Was just reading an article, or should rather say a short story, The Semplica-Girl Diaries, by George Saunders, on The New Yorker. The author has a simple philosophy behind the story - He writes. He writes everyday, because if he writes a page a day, he is overwhelmed to realise that by the end of the year, he will have written a 356 page book! Not to publish, but for his posterity to read about how it was at his times. A great thought I would say. And thus, here I am writing after a long while, defenitely not for my posterity, but for me to read, may be a couple of years down the lane, and smile, may be sit and ponder what crap i used to write!

So I'll get back to the story now, since my manager( who sits right behind my cube and can see my screen)  is off today and I have nothing to do at office on a lazy Friday afternoon. I do have Sandy at the back of my mind. Yeah, Sandy. I always wonder who names these cyclones and hurricanes( Katrina, Sandy ..) ? The Met Dept ? I dnt think so, they sound too boring to do such stuff. Yeah, so Sandy - The Hurricane is coming to the East Coast, probably day after tomorrow, and with an impressive record of gobbling 21 + lives as of now; scaring us all over the coast. Who wouldnt? The Weather Channel says its gained a speed of over 80 miles per hour ( More than Shatabdi Exp ? ).


So lets welcome Sandy and my return here by getting back to The New Yorker . Trust me, it feels so good to write.

The Silent Journey.

I seldom strike a conversation with a stranger on a local bus. I’m not sure what made me talk to him. And see the irony of it, he was mute.

There was something about him that made me notice as soon as he stepped in the bus. He looked around for the conductor to probably crosscheck if the bus went to his destination, found him busy and stepped out to read the LED display. Stepped in again, the conductor still busy, and found an empty seat next to me. I fumbled with my destination name with the erratic conductor while he confidently popped out a piece of paper with his destination written on it. Our destinations were same.

“Do you have any idea where 5^th Cross……” he broke me off by putting his finger on his lips and signaled me that my words didn’t reach him. He was mute.

I was balled over. Didn’t know what to do. Gave him a sorry smile and looked away. There was an eerie silence which was bothering me. I had to talk to him. He was browsing the route on Google maps on his swanky Nokia E6, when the idea struck me. I took out my phone and started typing a message. When I was done, I reluctantly showed him my screen. We struck a chord.

He was going to the place to search for a house for rent. I leave if for our imagination to deal with how he must have done it. He cuffed both his palms in a way and pointed ahead to ask my purpose of the journey, I didn’t understand. He typed if I was going to see a friend? He said that he and his friends needed to move to this address so as to save travel time to office. I was wondering why his 5 other roommates had sent him to go look for a new place to put up. He smiled at me and showed his screen. “All my room mates are like me – they can’t speak or hear anything”.

I realized that the gentleman leaning on his seat was pretty inquisitive about our silent conversation and when I looked around, saw some more people looking at us with sympathy. Pity on them! I asked him about his work. I would be honest to say that I was taken aback. He along with 2 other roomies worked for Deutsche Bank as analysts, and one each for Concentrix, HP and Accenture. I meekly told him – I work for TCS.

( untyped) And do not stand anywhere near you heroes.

I did ask the conductor once how far our destination was as I had never been there, he kept calm with his GPS, and told me we are about to be there.

I didn’t want the journey to end. However we exchanged our contact details and stood up to get down. Before bidding adieu, I typed my last question - “How do you manage your life in this ugly world? “ We got down, shook hands, our eyes met. He smiled, gave me thumbs up and walked away.

*** This post is dedicated to all those physically challenged people out there who face the same world, which is ugly and mean for us.

The grass is always greener on the other side...

Well, guys, this is a small post, of which no part is fiction, but a truth. All of us have been through such ambiguous situations, where we always find the grass to be greener on the other side.

Read on…

You always end up finding others’ girlfriends hotter than yours.

If you are jobless, you are ready to work for any company, but when you have a job, the opponent firm’s paycheck is always better.

The shirt which you left at the store was better than the one in your shopping bag. Wasn’t it ?

Airtel is always better than Vodafone!

Electronics & communication engineering was a core branch, why did I opt for CS?

Use windows 7, but long for XP.

Have a puma, but that reebok one was just awesome!

On the way to nainital, but shimla seems to have been a better option.

Having a cheseburst @ dominos but thinking about cheesy bites @ pizza hut.

Having jack daniels but old monk ki to baat hi kuch aur hai

Chatting on facebook, but still waiting to hear that ping on gtalk.

Black jeans would have looked better than this blue one. Wat say ?

Your blogger theme is customized, but when you read others blog, you find it more attractive.

Infy is gud, but TCS would have been better.

Nokia is too gud , but Samsung has really come up with great models.

Riding a pulsar, but avenger would have been different.

Got your hair straightened but could have tried spikes.

Bought a dell. Hey, hows ur vaio ?

Ipod looks sleek, but sony’s also good.

My neighbor’s car looks better yaar.

Sitting in INOX, but the legroom in PVR is more, and on and on and on…..

Perhaps it’s the very nature of a human being, not to be satisfied with what he has, that keeps him on the move. So move, change, desire, switch, flip, believe, and reach out to the thing that you missed, in an endeavor to be on the other side, coz the grass is always greener there…….

Chai Sutta

It never struck me how easily chai biskoot transformed into chai sutta, until a distant uncle visited me this weekend.
We went to a nearby tea stall to have chai biskoot....

I was busy stressing my olfactory modality to distinguish flake from milds, and reach out for mine when I found a biskoot in my hand and chai in the other. I couldnt fill the gap between my craving fingers with the coconut biskoot. Dipping it in the watery tea, I melted away in thoughts as to when did this transition happened in my life particularly. No doubt Engineering teaches you a lot!

Chai sutta becomes the fav passtime during those jobless years for most of us. We start of sharing butts of goldflake and end up becoming Kings of a pack a day.

Feeling sleepy? Chai - sutta acts like an adrenaline booster. Need to sleep? Have chai - sutta..- The best tranquiliser!
The combination rocks. You ask for tea, and your sutta comes unasked for, with a cunning smile on the shopkeeper's face- How can you have chai without sutta?

You feel elated- Have chai sutta. Feeling down - "Cummon dude, Lets go for chai - sutta"

I wonder how lucky this combi has been as we discussed biographies to geographies of so many chicks on this bloody chai - sutta..!

But Alas! I came back from my salad days when the tea started tasting thick and extra sweet- the biskoot had completely melted in the glass.

You know, sometimes chai biskoot tastes better than chai -sutta...

I don’t belong here. Do I?

The recent developments have forced me to think again, whether this is the life I wanted? I feel like there is a war raging inside me, one says no, the other tries to comfort me by saying all izz well.

The tag of a ‘software engineer’ used to fascinate me even before I knew its meaning. And now, when I am one, I’m compelled to look into a mirror and gauge myself. I did take the path I wanted to, but somehow couldn’t reach the destination, or I’ve rather changed my destination itself in due course of time. Strange, isn’t it? We often set off on a destined path, determined to achieve our goal, but tend to deviate, and at the end, try to fool ourselves by believing that we have achieved our goal.

I don’t know what is in store for me in the next couple of months, but it will definitely play a major role in deciding my future. All I know is that this is not what I wanted to be. I feel like a stranger in my own world……………

10 Minutes of thrill !!

We were sitting impatiently in the bus, looking around desperately for a glimpse of a water body, and there it was, the beautiful backwaters, surrounded by the snooping coconut trees, with the rainwater splattering on it.

We walked briskly to the shore.

 In spite of the crowd around me, I was mesmerized with the enchanting beauty that surrounded the Kovalam beach. I could see the clear waters, with changing shades, and the lighthouse over the rocky terrain, acting as the backdrop for perfect wallpaper.

But the first thing that caught our eye was the roar of the Yamaha engine! Soon, we found ourselves in fluorescent safety jackets, with out jeans rolled up to our knees and making ourselves comfortable in the boat.

 I could feel the the adrenaline gush through my body and coming out in shrill voices as the engine started to roar. We were off, to the best ride of my life! I could feel the cold winds tear my hair apart. The boat jumped on the sea, and we, on our seats! We went past the fishermen, busy pulling their nets, as well as the curious people on banana boats, exploring the corals and the underwater fauna near the rocks. We could see the people waving at us from a distant beach. 

The sun was about to set, and we were sitting still, above the beautiful Arabian sea, feeling the waves. There was complete silence.

 As the sun started to touch the surface, we turned back to the shore.

It was a small ride, which hardly lasted for 10 minutes, but I’ll remember the thrill for the rest of my life.

" Divided we stand, United we fall "

Unity and diversity, the two extremes, stand apart diametrically, beautifully complementing each other in the age old saying, “United we stand, Divided we fall”. And the childhood example of the boy not able to break the bundle of sticks is the quickest for us to recall.

Although I’ve not been able to update myself altogether with the latest happenings in the political arena owing to the schedule here, but whatever I’ve managed to gather in bits and pieces has made me sad and surprisingly happy too! Sad is obvious, because Andhra Pradesh in on the verge of a fallout, and happy, because very soon we will find 51 spokes in the wheel on the tricolor, each representing a different ‘state’, as in “The States”, and our so called politicos can brush their shoulders with Obama in yet another field!

Telangana was still proving hard to digest, but then how could Mayawati sit quiet? I had to take another sip of water. Welcome to Gorkhaland! I strained my eyes hard at the television to locate her amongst her security cover. It was necessary; else my vilification would have been misdelivered! Remember, every drop counts? 

I have my EC 1 scheduled round the corner, and now I think I will be able to master at least one topic for sure-“Divide and conquer”!  

Long live Indian Politicians, they truly are!

I have a Dream

Like any other reasonable human being, I have a dream….

I have a dream to spend those carefree moments as a child again,

I have a dream sometimes, to use my heart in lieu of my little brain.

I have a dream….

I have a dream to be that chocolate boy of my secondary school class,

I have a dream to sit in my top floor office surrounded by glass.

I have a dream….

I have a dream to have a pulsar of my own, 

I also have a dream of sitting in a BMW, talking to my girl on the phone.

I have a dream….

I have a dream to turn back time and redo those sad moments, 

I have a dream to go ahead of those unseen road-ends.

I have a dream….

I have a dream to spread abundance of happiness around me, 

I have a dream to make all those near and dear ones gay, and happy.

I have a dream….

I have a dream to make it big one day, 

I have a dream to see Tatas and Birlas come my way.

I have a dream….

I have a dream because I love to dream, 

And its only because I dream, I work, to fulfill those dreams.

Day 1 @ TCS !

I never imagined it would be as hectic as it was.

I got up early despite the fact I slept late last night, had to! I dressed up in one of the best formals I had till now. Tie in the right place, shirt tucked in, and shoes shining. We had to assemble in the Saffron @ 8:15 am, one of the auditoriums in the Peepul Park, as the premise is called. The whole of auditorium was bubbling with fresh faces, reflecting the enthusiasm, in galore. One could make out, even with a cursory glance, that these people are new to neckties, leather shoes, and obviously business formals!

 We had a number of orientation sessions from respective departments viz., HR, Admin, ILP and a couple of more. Had the same number of breaks, in which we enjoyed the free coffee at the kiosks on each floor, courtesy- TATA! (At least they are giving us something for free! 

We happened to sit with our own college friends, and were looking around for objects of our interests! And yes, there was variety! We had the usual boring lectures about the ethics, values and heritage of TATA, and surprisingly came to know about various things about our firm which people do not know, and if spoken about, can impress others.

I better not talk about the food, ‘coz it was horrible. Now come on, where do you find rice, dal and curd as one item in the menu? And that too with minimum salt, with a notice in front of us reading,” we put less salt in the food ‘coz excess salt is harmful for your health! 

All in all it went on fine. But at the end of the day, we could find ourselves drained out, to the core, as it was already 7:30 pm.

 And then as soon as I opened my eyes, I found myself getting late for the office! I never came to know how and when I slept.

It’s a hat trick. Nothing great, of course. Only a triplet of sleepless nights. I really feel that a scoff has been made of my life in these three days. I think the frontal lobe of my brain has gone for a disk boot failure, as it can’t take the toll of recent turmoil in my life. 

My friends are saying we got a reason to celebrate; I am desperately searching for one. Three nights, back to back, sleep deprived, but still haven’t got any.

I sometimes wonder why we are made to test with such crucial options in our life. It’s like you feel like enjoying the success of one, but the vacuum of the other makes you miserable. You want to bask in the success of one, the other washes it out.

Some people live their lives on their hopes for achieving something. Perhaps it’s the same hope that started spreading its wings in the eternal realms of my fatuous mind that’s taken the sleep off me. Hope, of achieving something, which seems a distant dream for me, at least for the coming couple of years.

It feels as if I’m turning my back and running away like a coward from the acid test that I may have come out of ,with flying colors.

A New Dawn...

Its 6 in the morning, and to be precise, hardly the 6^th in the last 3 months when I’ve seen the sunrise. Not because I got up early. I didn’t sleep at all.

I hate this feeling. I want to sleep desperately, knowing that I have a tough day ahead, but the thought itself keeps the sleep away, forcing me to see the dawn. Yesterday was quite a big one for me. Got the joining date from TCS, my first employer, for which I was waiting eagerly, and even more eagerly, after some of my friends got theirs. But then He had kept something better for me, that’s why he called me to His own country, Kerala, and moreover on a date, such that I can appear for CAT as well…!!

Ya. That’s another twist in the story. It’s like keeping each of my legs in a different boat, trying to balance both, unsuccessfully. Will be writing CAT, just to make my parents sure, 2^nd time, that I’m not an IIT-IIM material!

So the funny part is that I’ll be finishing my exam @ 6pm on 29^th Nov, and I’m expected to report to TCS associates, next morning in Trivandrum @  8 am! This leads to another chapter in my life- the concept of air travel. So while my friends will be getting ready in their newly allotted hostel rooms for day 1 @ TCS, I’ll be still boarding my maiden flight.

 I just hope it will be worth this entire circus.

I don’t know what I’ve written above. I started on a serious note, and ended making a fool of myself……Well , can’t help it. That’s Abhishek @ 6 in the morning..!!

A Rendezvous with DEATH..!!!

I have heard many first hand experiences about people escaping death. And I think I am lucky to write about my own.
I was on my way back from tirumala hills, after visiting the famous tirupati shrine, when I came face to face with death. Not getting seats in the APSRTC bus, we decided to hire a jeep for our descend. Unfortunately the vehicle happened to be a rickety one. We occupied the middle row, with Rohit, Pankaj sir, Bishnu and me sitting in left to right position. We were enjoying our journey, with the beautiful locales around and the pleasant weather. We had a deep valley on our right hand side, and I could see the sleepy town of Tirupati, with tiny buildings scattered here and there.
Suddenly, I felt a jolt and a coarse sound, and found myself tilted towards the right side of the vehicle, which is open in a jeep. And to my surprise, I could see, what looked like a wheel of the jeep rolling ahead, which seemed to appear from nowhere! While trying to negotiate the steep curve, the driver could not balance the speed and the turn, which resulted in the breaking up of the right rear wheel and the rim from the vehicle and rolling away from it. Few seconds ago, the wheel was intact, beneath me  and now it wasn’t! The vehicle moved ahead along the curve for about 10 meters, and I clung to the rod to keep myself from being thrown on the road. Rohit managd to jump out as he was on the other end. While pankaj sir and bishnu were the next to alight. As soon as the vehicle came to a halt, I jumped out and ran away from it towards the barrier on the other side, just to be missed by a speeding bus, hardly by a couple of inches.
I didn’t  know, whether to cuss the driver for whatever he had done, or thank him for preventing the vehicle from toppling. Because had the jeep lost ground, I would have been under it. All I could do was to thank the Almighty, whom I had just paid a visit, for saving my life and others around me.

"Justice delayed is justice denied"

Today we saw another brilliant example of the outrage of the Indian penal system by the affluent class, where in the rich always breaks out from the claws of the judiciary, leaving the downtrodden, helpless-as usual, with all the blame on their head.
 We are very much aware of the Nithari case involving Maninder Singh Pandher and his domestic help, Surinder Koli. The heinous crime, which they indulged in, is enough to send a wave of chill down our spines. I still remember the scene, which I watched on the TV, where the hatred of the common people could be easily seen in the group of lawyers, who thrashed him black and blue as he was coming out of the Ghaziabad court calling him names which I can’t scribe in here. But today, as we see, the same judiciary has acquitted him for the lack of evidence!
I am no CBI. I am no cop. I don’t know the facts behind the scene. But all I know that I am sad, ‘coz I got to see another rape of the Indian Judiciary.

COPYCAT..!!!

I don’t know whether to feel mocked about myself or to hold my head in pride ‘coz of being a trend setter. Because when you see people around you following you in every respect, you ought to give a second thought why they are doing so, and oddly, how. Some of my friends had asked me before, why is someone tempted to do the same what I do, wear, eat, or follow some of my habits. Luckily, they don’t think the way I do!
I started noticing that there was a guy who started following me in every respect, and I am afraid to say that, not in the high spirit of the morale, but only for his benefit. I started noticing the same colored clothes in his wardrobe, the same types of eating habits as mine, if I go on a diet, or avoid something, he does the same…….you know its pretty funny at times but irritating too. But hats off to his wits. For example, he could calculate what type of clothes I would prefer to wear on an occasion, and get ready in the same so as not to give me an opportunity to blame him for copying me! Brilliant! There have been many instances, some modest, others noticeable, and if I start thinking about all of them, either I would go insane or you would close the window in which you are reading this, not so mere rhetoric.
Its good if you have reached a level where people can imitate, or rather learn from you, but I do deserve a royalty, if not material, at least kind. But I am always gratified because I have my head over him, ‘coz he cannot think like me!

Marooned in Dubai Plaza

The feeling of visiting Dubai plaza was itself exciting as I am a shopping buff. Incisively, I started asking people the way to the much talked about hub of chinkis. I have been to brigade a couple of times but am not very well acquainted with the right place for the right stuff. Eventually, I found myself inside a crowded, hyperventilated, brothel like place which they called the “Indo-Dubai Plaza”, to be specific. At the beginning, I was enjoying the flutter around me, but soon, I couldn’t find anything that could grab my attention. All I could find around me were girls, crammed into the tiniest shops I had ever seen with a trial room in each of them! All of a sudden, I started looking for some shop I could get into and indulge in so called phenomenon - “window shopping”, which I actually hate to do. I had to swing myself in unimaginable angles to keep myself from brushing against scantily dressed girls, who are in demand at places other than brigade. I could find all sorts of apparels, accessories, footwear and of course lingerie of the most “jazzy” colors, as said by someone. For some of them, I had to push my imagination to its extreme realms, so as to imagine how and where they are used! Gawd! I’ll have to say, we guys really have limited options! Fed up with it, I came out, had a comforting breath, and started looking for places to chill!

The Outcasts

It suddenly struck me today as I was uploading my resume on one of the popular job sites. I was asked to specify my sex, and suddenly I thought what if a eunuch tries to do the same? Don’t they have their rights to make email ids, log on to so called “social networking” sites and so on?
I could find many celebrities raising their voice to modify article 377, but aren’t we stuck up with the two dominant genders? Aren’t the eunuchs human beings? Then why aren’t they treated like one? That remains one of the biggest blots on the human rights.
Most of us start to run away in the opposite direction as we see one of them coming towards us (as they hardly come alone). Have we ever pondered how they lead their daily life? Have we ever seen any one of them, holding a respectable position in a government office? Forget about being “bada babus” , no one lets them come near them. So how do we expect them to earn their daily bread? Beg? And then also, we move to a safer place as we hear them in the next compartment, however, they have just good wishes to shower on us.
It will be interesting to see who will take up to their long due rights and we could find the third gender option as well, this, being just one amongst the thousand deprived rights, or better put, a sign of respect.

The journey....

I’m sitting in an air conditioned compartment right now. I’m listening to Kaminey, working on my system. I was in the same environs yesterday. But just see the irony; I don’t know whether I will have a roof over me tomorrow night or not.
It’s a completely new beginning for me. All on my own and I guess, a bit challenging too. I’ve to go house hunting and that too in a place like Bangalore. And lemme tell you, its just the beginning. Its hardly been a month since I finished my bachelors, and I’m back to books again. This time for a more professional degree. Everyday, I log on to Gmail at least a dozen times, not to forward mails, but with a hope, to see a mail from TCS, informing me my joining date. But alas! I just hope the wait ends soon.
I’m in, I guess, one of the biggest dilemmas of my life at the moment. After landing myself in one of the biggest economic crisis of recent times, when getting a job in hand is like fetching a star from the sky. I consider my self lucky to be amongst those chosen ones, but then the fear of voluntarily quitting it, even before I join is killing me.
I can see a small group of hillocks lining the locales, with a lake in the vicinity surrounded by coconut trees. I just wish the train moves on and the journey contnues….

I can not step out from my home. I could not do so a couple of days ago. And I wish I am not able to do so for some days more. Its just the reasons that vary.

When I stepped in my hometown, all I had was scorching heat to welcome me with a bright smile. I had never seen Muzaffarpur experience such a bad weather, ever. There is no doubt I hardly go anywhere when I am home, and the sun made it sure that I didn’t even step in the verandah! I still remember the water logged roads and the people wading through them last time I was here, the same time. But alas! All I see is dirt.

The time has changed. Its time to go. I prayed all time for the rain God to show His might. And he made the old saying true once again, “ bhagwaan ke ghar mein der hai, andher nahi”, and its raining now, not to forget, after bearing all the heat all these days. The flowers have started blooming, the drains full, and the people…they have started wading again. I do want to stay at home, but the rain has made it a point that I do not even step in the verandah! What an irony! It’s just the reasons that vary!
In the first place it was the sun, now, the rain!